Category: Satire

Recent polls have confirmed President Obama’s reputation is so bad that nearly 40% of Americans believe he is worse than Joseph Stalin. When pollsters first asked the question, they found that most Americans had never heard of Stalin but, nonetheless, were sure that the President had to be worse. When given detailed background on Joseph Stalin, the figures shot up to 63%.

According to some insider sources, President Obama has made much progress in turning America into a totalitarian state. Moreover, the fact that most of the population has not noticed or realized this is substantial proof that his covert plan to institutionalize totalitarianism has made significant progress. Some Republicans, when pressured by reporters with tethered dobermans, confessed that they had undergone torture when they were forced to listen to the President, much like their children, some of whom have admitted in therapy that they were compelled to listen to the Commander in Chief during their social studies classes in California and other Socialist States.

So too, some reports confirm that Obama has begun plans for an American-style Gulag archipelago with labor camps spread throughout the country, proportionately, reflecting the number of electors per state. California is scheduled to have a total of 55 whereas pathetic Wyoming will only receive three. One journalist indicated that his sources have revealed there has been much discussion in Congress, behind closed doors, over the design of the camps with some arguing for Art Deco, others for Rococo style facilities.

This is all a part of the Reinvestment in America Act which will employ millions of Americans who will then be given permanent employment as guards, kitchen help, and other required staff, such as lawyers and investment counselors. Apparently, rumors about the jobs has already attracted hundreds of thousands of Americans who have begun enrolling in gun clubs in many communities. Republicans have expressed some doubt regarding the plan with the most cynical response coming from Senator Mitch McConnell from Kentucky, who argued that the plan is too little too late.

Republicans, in a corollary to the Pledge to America, have suggested that Obama’s plan to incarcerate all socialists, progressives, communists, as well as assorted other persons, did not go far enough. They proposed building a fence around the whole state of California and turning it into one giant facility to house Leftists, Gays, felons, the mentally institutionalized and illegal immigrants. They point out that this makes up 80% of the California population already and the job of constructing the electrified fences will be easier since California leads the nation in alternative energy technology.

Democrats did not condemn the plan outright and Harry Reid said he would have to look at the specifics before responding to the Republican plan. Nancy Pelosi, in the spirit of compromise, told one reporter: Labor camps are a good way to deal with unemployment in these times of crisis. Every American deserves a job. When asked about whether internees would be compensated, Congresswoman Pelosi admitted as much, declaring that all those in camps will be given food, water and knitting needles.

Other critics of the President have noted President Obama has refused to respond to charges by the Tea Party over their claim of the disappearance of over 30 million Americans. Tea Party members have theorized that many Americans are unaccounted for and have maintained that there is a grand conspiracy by the federal census to hide this fact. They note, for example, that most invitations to their demonstrations go unanswered and suspect the Obama administration of complicity in these disappearances. Some have said that these 30 million persons may already have been terminated or sold into slave labor to China. Thus the comparisons to Stalin are not without some credibility.

Meanwhile a bill to declare President Obama worse than Stalin has been making the rounds in the halls of Congress and already has 257 cosigners including many Blue Dog Democrats. While some liberal Democrats scoff at such a bill, many moderates admit privately that they do see similarities citing Obama’s paranoia about the bill. Others point to accusations of Obama’s criminal past in Indonesia and Kenya which has remained hidden from most of the public. Evidence of his prior felonious activity can be found on Tea Party websites.

Finally, Fox News has reported that Obama’s refusal to appear on their Network to face tough questioning from Bill O’Reilly, Glenn Beck, and Sean Hannity leaves the impression that this President is above the law. Spokespersons from Fox revealed that they felt threatened when a demonstration of protestors outside their corporate offices included people of color, even, they asserted, very dark-complexioned persons. They compared this activity to Stalin’s secret police.

The bill to declare Obama worse than Stalin is anticipated to come before the Senate no later than October 31.

Liberals just don’t get it. They probably never will. Obama’s health care reforms will bankrupt the country, and worse, mandating coverage for another 30 million citizens is taking away the freedom of those who don’t want the government to interfere in social issues. By what right does the government declare that health care must be universal or even reformed? Where is that in the Constitution?

Liberals like to talk about the right of the majority. They point to Obama’s election and say things like, “The majority elected him and he is simply carrying out the wishes of the majority.” They think this is the only function of a democratic government. As if to say that in a democracy, the majority rules. “After all,” they point out, “when you Republicans voted Bush into office, you got what you wanted. You had your turn. Now it is ours.”

What liberals and democrats don’t quite seem able to understand is that as Republicans, we are better qualified to know what is best for America. We are on the side of God, freedom, and individuality. In contrast, Democrats are, more likely than not, mostly atheists who despise the U.S. and believe in social engineering to achieve equality much like totalitarian states.  As much as we humble Republicans hate to come right out and say it, Democrats and their ilk do not possess the same degree of practical wisdom and moral superiority that we do. As George Orwell so aptly put it, “We are all equal, but some are more equal than others.”

On most issues, Republicans have more clearly thought-out positions. Take the issue of the constitutional right to bear arms. Liberals want to take away all our guns and leave only the criminals with weapons. This is the policy that the ACLU advocates for.  It is only through the hard work of the NRA and its fierce defense of the Second Amendment that we are now able to possess many weapons including pistols, rifles, automatic weapons, hand grenades, flame throwers, concussion bombs and other defensive implements of war.

I have a friend who has a tank in his possession in order to prevent the armed forces who just might, under orders from Obama or the Attorney General, storm his property and force him to participate in health care reform! I, myself, have been putting together a vintage Huey helicopter fitted with machine gun turrets and rocket launchers. We are ready for you socialists!

Then, there’s is the immigration issue. We conservatives give thanks to our Minute-Men, who are now honorably guarding the border with Mexico, helping to prevent the rush of millions of illegal aliens from infiltrating our country. Yes, these Mexicans are stealing our jobs, keeping wages down, and discouraging our teenagers from seeking jobs (as if our kids needed another reason!).

Many of my Republican friends own restaurants, motels, farms and other businesses and end up employing these illegal aliens. Do you think these employers want to hire illegal workers? No, but the temptation is too much for them especially when they can pay these illegals very low wages, thereby increasing their profits, enabling them to donate to the campaigns of our patriotic Republican legislators. Liberals don’t understand the temptation to make profits as most feed off the public dole, i.e. they have government jobs.

Ever since Obama came into office, he has pressed for a radical agenda that includes health care for the needy, the indigent, the uninsured.  The ‘Tea Party’ movement came into being to take back our country from liberals who are attempting to destroy it by spending our taxes on socialist programs such as the Health Care bill just enacted into law. When we Republicans were in charge, you didn’t see Bush trying to help the impoverished, the aged, and children! No! We had a higher calling: to stop terrorism by invading Iraq.

President Bush knew that Saddam Hussein was instrumental in planning the 9/11 attack on American soil. Moreover, Saddam had WMD (Weapons of Mass Destruction) and he flaunted his animosity toward Uncle Sam and the good ‘ole’ U.S. of A. by meeting with Al Qaeda representatives at a secret hide-out in Baghdad reserved for such insidious meetings. I believe it was called the Terrorist Tavern where they served cocktails of the Molotov variety. That’s where Saddam and Osama hatched their plans to destroy the Twin Towers and than attack Gandalf and Frodo (code names for Bush and Cheney).

I won’t bother to detail all the conspiratorial plans of Obama and his henchmen. They are only too obvious to those of us who read the websites of the White Supremacists on the internet. These supremacists may be called extremists by most but there are some shards of evidence there to be discovered by those who are willing and interested. Remember what Colin Powell said, ‘If you break it, you own it.’ So, those shards belong to us! And no one is going to take them away!

It is up to all of us real patriots to save the country from the likes of Obama who everyone knows wasn’t even born in the U.S. By the way, Nancy Pelosi wasn’t either. Recent evidence gathered by investigators hired by Sean Hannity have revealed that Pelosi was born in Sardinia and, in actuality, is a Sardine! (I just knew that there was something fishy about that woman! Ha! Ha!) By the way, Sardinia is the country just west of Turkey which shares a border with Iraq (what does that tell you?).

Unless every American wakes up, it will be too late! Go and listen to  Glenn Beck. He’s one of the few in the media who truly understands what is happening. With the support of Fox News, we just possibly can make a stand and rally against the liberal forces who are pushing for a far-Left social agenda which has a goal of creating a more just and equitable society. If we don’t stop them now, our children just may suffer under the burdens of free health care, better schools, financial regulation, environmental protections, and a more peaceful world. We must unite to stop these reckless and satanic forces now!

There are those who have warned that the socialists have taken over America but, unfortunately, that message has not been accepted by the vast majority of Americans. Even more alarming is the degree to which even fellow Republicans have supported a socialist agenda.

One has to go back into our history to see where all the socialism began. But most agree it became rampant during the reign of FDR beginning in the 1930s. During the socialist era of FDR, state sponsored programs sought to provide jobs and security to many Americans who otherwise could not find work during the Great Depression. This was the real beginning of the welfare state.

Unknown to most Americans, the socialists and communists seized control and FDR and his administration turned America into a feeding trough for these unpatriotic citizens. Jobs programs such as the WPA and CCC were created to build infrastructure such as dams and many other public works as well as our National Parks System.

Socialists, hiding under the mantle of liberal philosophies and with the sad help of some misguided Republicans, have expanded the socialist state to include a federal bureaucracy that is so huge as to include such gargantuan entities as the Pentagon, the Treasury, the State Department, the Social Security Trust Fund, the Veterans Administration, Medicare and Medical and many other bureaucracies that steal money from the citizens of our great county.

Why, I ask, are these entities not run by private corporations which can do the job much more efficiently? Corporate scandals are the exception to the rule. As everyone knows, corporations run by rich folks are the only way to prevent so much thievery as there is little motivation for avariciousness when one is rich (the recent multitude of scandals being the exception to this rule).

Socialism has gotten so bad that farmers are subsidized and even paid not to grow crops. The list is long and includes dairy farmers, tobacco and wheat growers, and almost every agricultural product seen in today’s supermarkets. In fact, socialism has infiltrated the mindset of nearly every legislator in the country. This socialist mentality is a disease which is destroying the very fabric of our society.

Would you believe that even oil companies and many other industries are subsidized by the government? Yes, it is true although the government hides this fact since it contradicts the pretense that we are a capitalist country.

Even more depressing is another more subtle form of socialism which I can only call familial socialism. It is the practice of families helping each other out. This is a blight that has been with us since the dawn of time and yet, like original sin, is something that we must be saved from.

Many parents help their kids even into adulthood, providing them with money for college and other socialist ventures which may include extended vacations. Indeed, many of our most honored so-called capitalistic, conservative families have accepted this practice as if it were the most natural thing in the world. So much so that they often provide perpetual security for their kids, offering them jobs for which very little actual work is done.

Worse, many of our most affluent families allow their children to inherit their wealth and businesses without even requiring them to work at all. Such blatant socialism has become a silent disease with victims too numerous to even begin mentioning.

Much to my honor, I refuse to help my kids financially, so that they can know the true meaning of unadulterated capitalism and not become infected with the expectation of help in any way, manner, shape or form. At the age of ten, my kids are taught to fend for themselves. Some make it and some don’t.

It’s something Davy Crockett and Daniel Boone would be proud of. And it’s a challenge each and every American should and must inevitably face lest we become like the Social-Democracies in western Europe where workers get six week vacations and have access to universal health care, just two of the many features of socialist countries where the government actually takes care of its citizens.

If we’re not careful, we could all end up depending on the government to help us with our lives in times of trouble instead of being absolutely responsible for every single aspect of our lives. We must adhere to our forefathers values of rugged individualism and total self-reliance, even if it means half of us become homeless and indigent in the process. At least we will have remained true to our values.