Progressives Plan Festival of Complaints and Questions

Radical progressives are promoting a national Festival of Complaints & Questions (FOCQ) to culminate in a conference to be held at the Washington Monument…where a select group of renowned progressive favorites will announce their top five complaints. The featured Complainers will include Noam Chomsky, Michael Moore, Keith Oberman, Amy Goodman, and Thom Hartmann to list only a few!

The whole event is to focus on major Complaints and Questions that Leftists have been asking for some 50 years and more. The point of the event is to crystallize the most common complaints and questions and then determine if progressives want to take their complaints and questions to the next ‘level’, i.e. ‘actually doing something’.

Talk in progressive circles is that complaining and questioning are wonderful activities in and of themselves but that ‘real’ actions are just not that much fun. One organizer put it best when he said, “I’m Jewish and complaining is a rite of passage in my culture.” Another participant chimed in that he liked to ‘question authority’ which, he declared, ‘empowered’ him. When asked what to be empowered meant, he proudly displayed the T-Shirt and bumper sticker he had recently bought.

Others point to the Wall Street protests of a few years ago, the ‘Occupy Movement’ which spread throughout the country and was responsible for much yelling, screaming, chanting, drumming, singing and such. The creation of the ‘human’ microphone during this protest was probably the most significant success story in recent progressive history (that, and hand signals for ‘yes, no & maybe’…not to mention, selecting the ‘gender you most identify with’).

The Occupy Movement’s genius was to move the progressive movement forward by denying that organization, strategy, demands and an agenda were relevant or important. Instead, positive vibrations and new-age thinking have revolutionized progressive politics by focusing on elevating consciousness through experiential means especially via music and art. Ultimately, the goal is to make everybody ‘feel’ that they have accomplished something before they return to work or college.

This is what is termed protest as therapy. When you protest, you feel good. And when you feel good, all humankind benefits, somehow. And the benefits inspire real change. No one quite understands why or how but many believe it to be true. They point to quantum physics which posits that change could occur in another dimension closely related to ours. Some progressives even think that this ‘dimensional-effect’ (as they refer to it) may help reincarnated souls in the astral world. Other radicals believe that manifesting change can be accomplished through telekinesis and that ‘action’ is all but an obsolete notion. Their focus is on ‘manifested reality change’ utilizing the universal mind.

Chomsky, Moore, Oberman and Goodman will be hawking their books and each will have a signing where participants can pay just $50 for signed copy along with a T-Shirt, bumper sticker, and a personalized coffee cup with the acronym FOCQ printed on one side and a somewhat angry face on the other. The cups will come in several colors with a wide selection of faces (representing the gender, ethnicity & sexual orientation) added for the personal touch. (Pre-orders can be made in advance so that those who can’t make the event can pretend they did).

Already, FOCQ has commitments from 100,000 persons who plan to get to Washington using ‘any means necessary’ including cars, buses, planes, helicopters, boats, yachts, bicycles with a few declaring they would canoe or kayak in from New York. Balloonists, sky-divers and others planning to ‘drop-in’ might be subjected to destruction by the Pentagon’s missile defense system (all aerial fanatics are so forewarned that any complaints about bias should be directed to the Pentagon’s Q &A on their website where all questions from radicals, progressives and other terrorists are taken seriously).

Participants are being asked for a donation of $25 to cover the expenses for Mr. Oberman who demanded to be put up in a penthouse and to have personal assistants to help him choose a wardrobe, cook his food, and provide him with a limousine driver. The rest of the money will be directed to paying for security and covering lawsuits that it is anticipated will be filed by some of the more revengeful radical complainers.

Several famed bands and singers have already thought about committing to the festival including the Crosby, Stills and Nash, Joan Baez, Paul Simon and Cher. But at this time, there is no actual confirmation that any will show up. ‘It all depends on their schedules,’ said one spokesperson, noting that age also may be a factor. Some younger bands have also promised to think about it. The theme of all songs performed will be, of course, Complaints & Questions.

New-Age psychologists as well as Tarot Card Readers will be available for ‘insight’ sessions to be offered to participants who can have their chakras examined and futures distilled. Those suffering from CCD (compulsive complaining disorders) will have access to shamans, green algae, or personal trainers to work with alleviating tension and stress. Workshops on formulating complaints and clarifying questions will be offered on a ‘need-priority’ system under the aegis of an elite group of cosmic communicators to be flown in from various UFO sites around the globe.

All those planning to attend are being asked to write down five complaints and five questions which will be dropped into two giant jars to be created by a group of progressive artists in time for the event. Mimes, dancers and actors will then enact performances based on the complaint or question selected from the jars during the week-long festival. Already, several dozen dance and acting groups have responded. The national mime association has not been heard from as of yet.

Planners have developed a schedule of all events, presentations, speeches, etc. and the information will be made available online at FOCQ.org. Special attention has been given to the design of the site and other materials which will be emblazoned with many different complaints and questions symbolic of progressive criticism from all over the country.

Members of the progressive movement can go on online to the site and vote for theirfavorite complaint and question. The most popular ones will be stenciled on bannerssurrounding the Washington monument and choirs will chant these select choices inpolyphonic choruses during bathroom breaks at all events or performances.

Complaints and Questions about anything should be directed to National FOCQ Headquarters. Contact FOCQ.org.

About Mikhail Branski

Mikhail Branski has written poetry, comedic skits and essays, and other prose sporadically during the last forty years. Much of his poetry he describes as political, social and philosophic commentary or simply “rants.” A self-described critic, he lambastes, especially, American society and political culture. Words such as “caustic and vitriolic” are often used in reference to many of his poems. His writing is also infused with humor and odd twists and tries to keep listeners on their toes. A former Peace Corps volunteer, Mikhail has taught in the ghettos of Los Angeles, and was a political activist and organizer during the 1980s and early ‘90s. He now lives in Mexico teaching Russians online while eking out a living while writing and exploring other realities.
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